[Review] Bigelow Chemists : Bigelow Chapped Hands Soap-Free Cleanser

[Warning: potentially TMI photos]

Rating: 12 out of 5 stars

It is the middle of winter, and my wrists are not covered in tiny open sores. It is the middle of winter and my hands are not bleeding. It is the middle of winter and I can exercise without searing pain emanating from the skin on my hands and wrists. I have not had a winter day without pain in at least 12 years. I was the type of person who kept lotion in my purse, desk at work, car, desk at home, bathroom, kitchen, living room, every coat pocket, and anywhere else I thought to stash a bottle. Finding myself without lotion actually constituted an emergency, and I would stop at the nearest convenience store to pick some up if I was going to be away from home for more than an hour. That was just to keep the open sores from worsening. The pain never really went away, and actually most lotions made my skin burn.

It has been about a month since I acquired this stuff, and I feel that I can confidently say that it has changed my life. I have not had to use lotion more than once per day since I started using this once or twice a day, even though I still wash my hands with regular soap very often and use alcohol-based hand sanitizer. My use of lotion has also definitely been of the non-emergent variety.

I was going to give it a mere 4 because it doesn't make my skin perfect and magically silky smooth, but then I looked at a photo of my wrist last year (yes, I am exactly the kind of person who documents bodily grossities-- want to see my bike accident scars?!) and it turns out that, no, it's exactly as awesome as I thought it was.

This is my skin last year:

This is my skin this year:

30 years down, 70 to go (feeling optimistic here)

I keep forgetting that I'm supposed to be lying in bed today, weeping for my lost youth. I just haven't the inclination to do so. For one thing, what loss? I still think the infinite slide is a fantastic use of the Portal gun. Ten year old me would have thought so as well, but now I have the benefit of wisdom that comes with age. I would be sure to wear pants if my infinite metal slide were in the sun, for one thing.

A list, because lists are fun, of things I've done:

• Visited 32 of the US states
• Been caving
• Found out who my real friends are and realized they are greater in number than I thought.
  
• Made mistakes. Big ones. And hopefully learned from them.
• Made it through school. Got a couple of degrees to show for it.
  
• Got a job that I've now held for almost precisely 6 years.
  
• Saw the sun rise over Icelandic glaciers from an airplane window.
  
• Realized that what everybody else thinks about what you do actually doesn't matter. They're not the ones who have to live your life.
• Changed my mind about cats and got one of my own. Have managed to keep it alive.
  
• Had an accident, saw the injustices inherent in the system, got bitter, got better, got over it.
• Took a vacation alone. Embraced the solitude.
  
• On a similar vein... got lost in the middle of unfamiliar land with no cell reception, no satellite reception, and no map. Kind of liked it.
• Sort of figured out what I want and am totally okay with the parts of it that are anormal.
  

Things that I hope I'll do in the coming pre- scrabble-playing nursing home days:

• See the other 18 states
• Antarctica!
• Get a master's degree in materials engineering
• See the sun set over Icelandic glaciers from a ground-based vantage point.
  
• Whatever else strikes my fancy.

Want to be thankful for winter? Browse NPS.gov

Windchills were recently down in the -20F range, though I wouldn't really know, as I spent the entire weekend lying on the couch cursing germ theory. This stint did give me an opportunity, however, to research a possible spring vacation to the southwest.

Apparently the National Park Service is doing their very best to convince me not to, for they have warned me of:

1. Flash floods. In the desert.


2. Mountain lions. At which you are apparently supposed to throw rocks and adopt grizzly bear arms before punching them if they come any closer.


3. Rattlesnakes-- 6 whole species of them! And if you're bitten, remember not to move but to get to a hospital really, really quickly! And call 911 where there's no cell reception.


4. Killer bees-- At least they'll warn you with a gentle nudge before swarming upon you. Fortunatly, you only have to sprint half a mile away from their hive before they'll cease their warfare.


5. Also you might die of heat. Enjoy your national parks!

Blizzards and deer ticks are beginning to seem rather quaint, and I for one am perfectly happy that we have 6 months of the year so cold that they kill off anything that so much as looks at them funnily.