Windchills were recently down in the -20F range, though I wouldn't really know, as I spent the entire weekend lying on the couch cursing germ theory. This stint did give me an opportunity, however, to research a possible spring vacation to the southwest.
Apparently the National Park Service is doing their very best to convince me not to, for they have warned me of:
- Flash floods. In the desert.
- Mountain lions. At which you are apparently supposed to throw rocks and adopt grizzly bear arms before punching them if they come any closer.
- Rattlesnakes-- 6 whole species of them! And if you're bitten, remember not to move but to get to a hospital really, really quickly! And call 911 where there's no cell reception.
- Killer bees-- At least they'll warn you with a gentle nudge before swarming upon you. Fortunatly, you only have to sprint half a mile away from their hive before they'll cease their warfare.
- Also you might die of heat. Enjoy your national parks!
Blizzards and deer ticks are beginning to seem rather quaint, and I for one am perfectly happy that we have 6 months of the year so cold that they kill off anything that so much as looks at them funnily.
I for one am perfectly happy that we have 6 months of the year so cold that they kill off anything that so much as looks at them funnily.
ReplyDeleteExcept, of course, germs.
(And I'll go on to curse Google for not allowing BLOCKQUOTE tags.)
But spring vacations are supposed to involve roller coasters and swimming pools, not nature.
ReplyDelete